The fist day at high school, when it were time for a little break, we walked across the road and into the cementery.
I remember I told you while walking, how I wanted my grave yard to be,when I would die in the future.
What a stupid thought I said afterwards, what the hell am I thinking?
Its a long time until then I mean.
Not worth any thoughts now.
I rememer how you used to ask me a lot of things.
You asked a lot about yourself,as if I would tell you how you should be.
My thoughts for that had always been that;
You should stay as you are,Im very fine with it, arent you?
You seemed very unsure of yourself, and I kept telling you there was no worries.
Well at least you were known of that people thought you were looking beautiful, very unique.
Like a doll.
I got to know you more, and you felt very free talking with me about your problems,about crushed dreams, bertaying friends, lovers an so on.
It was about the past, I told you to let go of it.
Live for today ok?
Even so, you asked me if I disliked you in some way.
That felt a bit irritating, ofcorse not, I like you the way you were.
Shy was one of the biggest problem you had, but that is very okay with me.
It is something that made you to the person you were.
That you seemed to dislike.
You had never done anyhting wrong what I know.
If I have to say atleast one thing youve done wrong ,then it is - disliking yourself.
You had family and very god friends loving you.
You know, it wasnt worth it.
Didnt you have any hopes?
Doesnt seem like it.
I cant believe it I really cant.
Its so cloudy in my head.

You were supposed to tell me something yesterday, but you changed your mind because it was time for class.
Then about a while on the lesson, you told me you didnt feel very well and went away. Forever.
I dint know.
I got to school this morning , thought we had P.E.
But no, we were free until later on. I had no idea why back then.
Then I dont know if the others had their language classes.
But I hadnt, I dont have these lessons.
Then time for Math.
We got there ,but got told what happend happend to you.
The teachers never told us how you did it.
Its not important I know how.
Its not fucking worth it.
Im vey dissapointed in you Ella<3